Once
upon a starry and lonely night, when the Accuser was whispering promises into
my ear, I gave him the key to the door of this empire just as I had given him
the pearl. And that very night he locked it and hid away the key from me. He is
so close to me now, and I see it there hanging from a string around his neck as
he leans over me. And
there in the tallest room of the tallest tower of my empire I am finally
overcome by the Enemy. I get what I deserve. All the things I built walls up
against to keep out, they are all visited upon me in full force at that moment.
All the things I feared, they all came true. My idols are gone, and my Accuser
was right. And this is the
dark night of the soul, and I cannot escape my mistakes or undo my choices.
Who
can save me?
~*~
Maras’ eyes were closed, and
the craving she felt was all-consuming as she bowed low before her idols. It
had been so long since she had worshiped here. All the pent-up energy came
exuding from her being. Her hope was electric with anticipation.
“This
is the moment you have been dreaming of, Mara, when you will get what you have
always wanted.” Achor knew exactly what she needed to hear. His
knowledge came from the many years of walking with her, listening to her talk
and studying her habits and behaviors and choices. He knew her better than she
knew herself.
“You
will finally have companions on the island. You have given them your complete
trust now, it is finished!” The power of his influence over Mara in
this moment came from the many years of her choosing his companionship, allowing
herself to walk with him, listening to him talk, and looking frequently into
his accusing eyes for answers.
She was so convinced of her happiness
that she hardly notice when Achor moved close to her and crouched down right next
to her prostrated figure. He pressed his hand lightly on her back and whispered,
“Give the necklace to me and you will
have what you deserve. I know what to do next.”
She wanted so badly to
believe that his words were good, because his was the only voice she ever heard
on the lonely island. So Mara lifted up her right arm, hands clasped around the
pearl necklace, extended it towards him, and it fell through her open fingers
into his hands.
The moment it happened she
felt all the power go out from within her. That very second she realized she
had totally destroyed her illusions.
She finally saw that her
idols were false, and that they were made of nothing more than masks and fears
and lies.
She wanted to take it back.
But it was too late.
What was done could not be
undone.
He stood up with a
victorious laugh, and then stepped between Mara and her idols. She felt his cold
shadow fall over her, and regret manifested in her body. Mara looked up and saw
that he was clutching the pearl necklace tightly and mocking her with accusing
eyes- his voice was no longer encouraging, but full of selfish delight.
“I have waited years for this moment. I have been searching for the
pearl of great price among your roses day after day after day. And now you just hand it to me of your own free will!”
He laughed and looked
closely at her. Then he spoke with great clarity- “Always remember what you have done. You chose this by your own doing,
Mara. This is your fault and you
should be so ashamed.” That word
burned like fire in her soul. “You have
given me authority over your greatest treasure. Me, your lifelong Adversary and Accuser. And so now you will get
what you truly deserve, what you have worked for all these years without even
realizing it”.
And with one fell swoop he
turned and smashed all the beautiful idols, the ones that represented the
things she desired to love. They shattered into a million broken pieces on the
floor around her. And even though she knew they were false, made of insecurity,
instability and deception, even still Mara cried out in despair, reaching
forward helplessly to stop the destruction.
She had loved them so deeply
that she would now mourn them like a dead brother. The tears began instantly,
threatening to choke her with sorrow.
Achor turned back to watch
her reaction and towered over her prostrate figure with haughty laughter.
“You are mine now. There is
nothing left for you. This is what you deserve. This is what you asked for.
This
is your fault. And now you are going to pay the price for what you have
done.” There was an almost drunken malice emanating from Achor as he
towered over Mara, who was cowering on the ground.
In an instant of broken repentance
she thought of the sea, and she knew she needed to escape the Valley and seek
refuge by the ocean. But the darkness was so vast and the valley walls were so
high and the way was blocked.
Achor was holding hostage
her pearl of great price, clutching it in his tight fist, laughing at her. She
put her head in her hands and grieved- I surrendered
my gift and now I cannot take it back, I gave it carelessly away without even
the slightest regard for its true value.
And in a flash she remembered
the wild and regal Man in white, the one from her dream. She knew instinctively
that she must go to Him. Somehow she knew this to be a fact; it was a call from
deep inside her soul.
It was the first absolute
truth she had believed in many years.
With a new hope Mara tried
to get up from the floor, but Achor knocked her back. He was powerful now,
strong and aggressive and in full control. He knew her every weakness and
turned upon each one of them.
“It is too late, your mistake is permanent.” Achor declared
triumphantly.
And he was right, it was too
late for her. Now, by her own doing, she was completely at the mercy of her
enemy’s authority. Nothing was left of the audacious gentleman he had been- he now
stood before her revealed as his truest self, the Prince of Darkness. The one
she had foolishly trusted with her greatest gift.
“What
has been set in motion cannot be undone. You have destroyed your future here.
This is all your fault. This is why your name will always be Mara- bitter. These idols could never love
you, and now all false hope is destroyed. No more pretense- yours forever will
be a cup of bitterness.”
And as she cowered beneath the
cutting accusations, Achor descended upon her with all the force of knowledge
and power. He forcefully stripped Mara of all the things she held dear. He took
away her dignity, her identity, her ambitions, her pride, her desires, her
hopes, her dreams, her self-worth. All were lost.
She was weeping with regret
and grief, and he laughed at her tears and slapped them. Her repentance only
fueled his violence. He unleased the full extent of the consequences upon her
with delighted malice. He declared all the unspoken truths about her failures.
He used the power of shame to ravage her entire being.
Mara helplessly wept at the painful
revelations that came to her awareness. Salt and water fell and her heart and
mind were invaded with unbearable grief. Her entire self was violated and
broken.
When it was over, Achor
turned away in disgust at her absolute helplessness. His fury was spent, all
truth had been told, and now his breathing slowed. He looked once more at her
with haughty disdain and spoke his final farewell. His voice had returned to
normal.
“I am leaving you now, Mara.”
It was said with unfeeling finality. “This destruction will last a lifetime; my
presence is no longer necessary. The consequences of your choices will be
enough to carry on my work here for many
years to come. You carry bitterness within you now. That bitterness will grow
and then in due time it will give birth to anger. And anger will grow into
hate, which will become your next and final companion.”
Achor smiled coyly, giving
one final declaration of truth- “In time you will come to trust hatred just as
you have trusted me. As always, you carelessly give trust to those who do not
earn it. Your honesty and transparency have always been your greatest weakness.
This is why you will need anger to survive from now on.” His tone had returned
to normal and his eyes gleamed with deep satisfaction.
And he turned on his heel,
throwing the pearls into the wreckage as if they were worthless trash. And then
he walked away from her without so much as a backward glance.
Mara lay there in abject
humiliation, broken on the floor, vulnerable and exposed, covered with shame
and tears.
She had given deep and
intimate trust away and it had been used against her. This was to be her eternal
shame.
And for days and days she
cried, wandering aimlessly among the broken idols there in the Valley of Achor.
She could not sleep, eat, be happy or feel joy. She did not know where to go or
what to do. Her only emotions were doubt, fear, worry and regret. Anxiety had
replaced accusation, and her mind replayed her mistakes over and over and over
again, until she wanted to die.
This was the dark night of
the soul.
Where hopes and dreams and
love once rested in Mara’s heart, now there was only an empty hole that would
slowly fill to overflowing with bitterness and anger as time passed.
Her mind endured ravenous,
endless warfare. There was a permanent seed of hatred within her being. She
could not live with herself now.
But as she lay herself down among
the broken idols, determined for her suffering to be over and so deciding to
lie down in her mistakes and never get up from them again, the wind changed
course.
The same breeze that met
Mara on the shore of the sea now made its way over the land towards where she
lay in the depths below. For the first time, the sea breeze wafted down into
the valley, bringing the smell of peppermint and lavender.
Mara opened her weary, tear
filled eyes and looked up.
She could hear a small
bright sound, like tiny wind-chimes. The gentle wind brought with it the most sea
spray Mara had even seen. It came in over the high walls of the Valley in great
drafts, gathering and billowing into a great mist of sparkling light. It gently
floated downward towards her. She watched with wonder as it settled all over
and around her. The mist was glowing and covering her entire being, and she
could feel that it brought healing with it.
As she breathed it in, she
felt something tight and hard beginning to uncoil inside of her.
Mara closed her eyes and
cried again, but the tears were different now, free and healing. As the mist
settled over her, Mara lost track of time, drifted off and and slept a peaceful
and dreamless sleep for the first time in many days. Instead of frightening dreams,
tranquil visions of hope filled the empty spaces within her as she rested.
When she awoke, the mist was
gone and she had been clothed in a billowing white dress, unlike anything she
had ever seen. She was radiant and beautiful, fully restored and completely healed.
She could feel that her power and divinity had returned to her.
And a Man was there kneeling
close beside her, leaning over her prostrate figure, smiling lovingly into her
face. His face was beautiful and kind and benevolent. He was also dressed in
shining white, and He touched her forehead and He called her beloved.
He was wild and majestic and
his dark hair was untamed.
“My Redeemer,” Mara whispered in shock and awe.
His gaze reflected both the
moonlight and the bright sun, dark brown orbs with endless radiant depths.
The perfect contour of his
face, the dark, smooth skin, and unruly dark hair which haphazardly framed his regal
face made for a striking appearance. He
was unkempt, and yet His looks were stunningly dignified. For a brief moment she was transfixed by His overwhelming
beauty, but she quickly remembered her shame when she caught sight of the
broken idols all around His feet.
“Oh,
my God!” Her regret was both physical and emotional.
This Man from her dream was
standing right in the midst of her foolish brokenness.
Mara pushed herself up onto
her knees and knelt before Him, her long brown hair spilling all around and
covering His bare feet. She pressed her forehead to the ground before him and
sobbed in repentance, pushing the broken pieces away from him. A new wave of
grief crashed over her.
“Oh, I am so sorry, please forgive me, I was so foolish, I am so
sorry. I was wrong, this is all my fault. I am so ashamed. God forgive me. I
shall have no other gods before You. I will worship only You.” She was weeping
again, hot tears of regret, frantically scratching away the mess from all
around Him.
“Beloved. Be still.
Stop striving.”
He reached down and touched
the top of her head with his fingers ever so lightly. Immediately her tears stopped and her hands
ceased their movement. She looked up, her hair falling back behind her, and
found herself once again staring into his eternal expression.
What she saw there eased her
shame. Somehow the world seemed to stand
still when she was gazing at the moon and sun that shone in his face. Her fear dissipated with a foreign feeling
she couldn’t explain except to call it joy, which made no sense in light of the
destruction all around her.
She said nothing, but waited
for His next command, trembling slightly.
Overtaken with conflicting emotions, Mara was transfixed by a solitary
tear which traced silently down his cheek.
